Art Projects

So I have been given so many art projects I cannot keep my mind straight. I have a tap dancing quiz in like 10 minutes so I have to be quick. But I figured I would share some of my art work with people and see if anyone likes my work. I am working on a new drawing I started today. Also I am learning how to play the piano even more than what I already know. Sam's mom is teaching me and she is fantastic. She has won many awards for being the best female vocalist and instrumentalist of the year in the Country Music Gospel Association. I think it is awesome. I am happy to have an awesome boyfriend who is always there for me. We don't go a day without seeing one another. It makes me happy that I found someone who loves me for me and wouldn't change anything or cheat on me. I love Sam so much!

Finally...

Ahhhhhhh. It is not a bad ahhh but a good one. I am so relaxed with life and finally feel like I have something to live for. Yeah everyone has stressors in life but we need to learn to forget about the small things and see the bigger things in life. I feel like I have grown so much as a person in the last year especially the past 4 months. Like I mentioned in my last post, I have the best boyfriend ever. I don't go a day without seeing him. I really am sooo lucky. I only starting talking to Sam while I was going to California to go the Pirates of the Caribbean premiere. We talked everyday on the phone while I was gone and when I got back we went on a couple of dates and made it official. I am no longer lonely and I never have to worry about being lonely again. The only thing that stresses me out is not having money but money is such a small thing to worry about. I know that God will make sure I have what I need to get myself through this troubled time. It had been a long time since I had gone to church and Sam got me to go again. We go every sunday and sunday night we have a bible study with his parents and some friends. I feel like a new woman. I feel like I have more to live for like I mentioned earlier. I know that I will be fine and things seem to be falling into place in my financial need. I finally got ahold of my lawyer today and I am getting some back pay from Sonic. I am finally going to get paid some workman's comp and soon my loan money will be in and I will be able to get me that car my brother has been helping me get. I can't wait. My car sucks so bad and I am tired of wasting all the money I DO get on gas to get back and forth to school. Also I have decided to change my major at school. I am officially going to be a Computer Animator. I will move to California and work for Disney or Dreamworks creating cartoons for young children. When I get to California I am going to look into some acting jobs and try to make my name known. People keep telling me to go for my goals and dreams and I think I can do it. I think I have what it takes. I just think God was telling to change something and I think I am making the right decision. I am ready so wish me luck friends!!!!!

A new life

It has been at least 7 months since I have checked this blog out. I can't believe how retarded I was writing what I did about that guy I thought I loved. Yes he is my friend and always will be and I don't have to like his girlfriend still after all that I have been through, but I love my life now. I have been dating my boyfriend Sam for 4 months now and I couldn't be happier. He loves me for me and only me. He would never cheat on me and that is something I need. I don't need a cheater in my life, and I don't see how other women put up with it when they know its going on. I broke my arm 2 months ago working at Sonic. I was skating and I tripped on a crack in the concrete. I have been through 2 splints, 2 casts, and now I have a brace on. I think I am going to have to get another cast on cause this brace makes my wrist hurt. Sam has been there for me through all my bad times and he knows about my past. He knows how crazy I was for this other guy but is supportive of me still being friends of his family. I still love his sisters and brother because they are good friends. I feel as though they are family. I haven't been working very much because Sonic can't use me with a broken arm so I have had to face paint for cash and sell some old clothes I grew out of at Plato's Closet. I am happy with my life, you know who you are if you are reading this. I am not childish and if you were an adult you would not follow my posts. I am not an idiot and I know how to use a computer. Have a nice life and I hope I don't hear from you ever again. You won't hear from me, oh and nice acne.

A little Somethin' Somethin'

Ahhh, okay. I just need to clear my mind. Did I ever tell you all that life sucks? There has been a lot of ups and downs in the past year I don't know how much more I can take. I never even got around to finishing my last blog due to an over abundance of work put on my shoulders. But enough of that.....let's talk about today. Today has been a thoroughly enjoyable day. Thank God. I did miss my first class to start it off badly because my alarm didn't go off, but I have had a good day other than that. I was sitting in Panera break an hour ago and some guy came up to me and asked if he could look at my sketch book. He thought my drawings were awesome and I have been working on one that I am giving Johnny Depp in a month. CAN'T wait for that!! But this guy is an art teacher over at MSU, the school I attend, and he said that he wants me in his art class. He said I have an amazing amount of talent and he would love to work with me. He even said I could opt out of some class I am over qualified for so I don't waste my money. That makes me so happy. I finally have some days off from work to clear my mind and think. I have been talking to this guy named Josh. He is my friend Sarah's friend. He is cool but I am just not into him. I try to move on to someone else because I know that it would be a healthy decision for me, but no one compares. :( I don't know what to do because this guy really likes me and I feel like I may be leading him on and I just don't wanna hurt his feelings. What if I am making a huge mistake? I don't know, I have I had so many guys flirt with me and ask me out. I have this guy I work with named Adam who desperately wants to go out with me, but I say no. I won't even let him have my number but each time I see him he is persistant. I will give you three reasons why he is off my list of men. 1- He is on probation for drugs. 2- He has a kid. 3- and this is the biggest one....he has a girlfriend already. He says oh I will dump her for you. I say no,......too much baggage. But most of all I have had 3 black guys say to me, Hey Sexy please let me get to know you. You're so beautiful I just have to know you. Seriously!!!! Why???!!! I don't get it. I don't get what they see. I was in a hoodie and jeans when 2 of them hit on me. I am not that pretty. Yes I have lost a huge amount of weight but I still don't see what they see. I just want one guy and until he tells me it's never gonna happen, I am not giving up on him.

Updating

This past week has been crazy. My mind has been working out so much and I feel so tired. I have just returned to school from being on Spring Break this week. It wasn't much of a Spring Break because I have worked the whole week. They scheduled me 36 hours but because they kept me over my time some of the days I worked more like 40. I can't handle a full time schedule with the life I am trying to keep. I did enjoy however getting off work and being able to hang out at my friend Dani's house. I would get off at Midnight and then head to her place because she got off work at 11:30. It worked out perfectly and we would just stay up all night talking and watching movies. It is sometimes really hard to go over to her place and hang out because of the way I am feeling. As I may have mentioned earlier the guy I love, that left, his sister is Dani. We have talked about him many times in our conversations but I try to avoid it. It hurts to hear his name and talk about what happened because I wish the outcome would have been different. She said that she wishes it was different too but she doesn't think that I should put my life on hold for him. Well I will continue this later. I have to go to lunch. Be back shortly.

So Saturday is my big day. I have my audition for the BFA program at the college I attend. This determines whether or not I get into the musical theater program. I hope it goes well. I have been rehearsing all week and I think I am ready for every part except the dancing part. At least one part of my life is going well. I still wish that things would begin to look up on another part. You know I just dont see how someone can continue to stay with someone who controls every move they make. I mean this guy cant even make the decision to talk to his family without first consenting with his controlling psycho "girlfriend." I mean he promises his sister he would help her with her homework then he doesnt follow through. This psycho texts her for his sisters password to her online homework. I mean why cant he do it???? His sister doesnt want him to do it. She just wants help and someone to talk to. I do it all the time, and I enjoy doing it. I feel like I am more of a sister to her than he is right now. And all of his family members hate her. It is just frustrating to know that I am already a part of his family but yet he chooses to be with someone he says that makes him miserable. I don't know how it will work. I mean how can anyone be in a relationship with someone that everyone in his family hates. Another thing is that she doesn't like his family. The way I see her and her parents is that they look down on his family, she thinks she is better than him, but I think that she is trashy. I think her parents are scummy. I am sorry but if you are going to look down on someone elses family I will look down on yours. His family is one of the kindest families I have ever talked to. I love them like my own and I don't care if we aren't together, they will always be my family too. That is going to be hard for me to hear them talk about him and know that I am not the one he chose. I love him and I still do, but the good people never win in situations like this. It is always the people who play games who win in the end. Why can't my life have happy endings?

So, I am at school. Bored. I hate having to have to wake up everyday at 6 am to go to school, but at least I can say I am doing something with my life. I had Ballet this morning and I know that I am not much of a dancer. I am hoping that things change soon and my muscles start working like they need to in order to become better at dancing. I think it's this whole thing about me being really shy and not so confident. I used to be a little more confident than what I was, but all that has changed in the last couple of months. I just don't feel confident in myself anymore. I am really depressed and I wish that things would make a turn for the better, but they just haven't been. I am in school which is a good thing and I just got a job working at a Sonic in Springfield, but my life just feels empty. I have no one to share it with anymore. I haven't really had the time nor the gas money to make it into town to hang out with my friends. Dani was trying to set me up with this guy but I am not interested. I have no interest in anyone else at this moment. I would rather be alone to focus on myself, but I hate being lonely. I guess just haven't found that one to make me happy and do things for me. When I like someone I put every thought and action towards making him happy but I never thought about myself. Was that person really making me happy? I thought so, maybe I was naive, but I thought he loved me or at least cared deeply for me. When you say you love someone, I think you would expect it to mean something. I don't want to be set up with anyone, I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I just need to express my feelings because I am tired of holding them in. I just wish things were different and that things would go the way that they were said they were going to go. I know that everything happens for a reason and God has plans for me, but I am just tired of waiting and being alone. I wish things would just get better for me this gosh darn time.

My Life as of Now

I have decided to make a blog in order to vent my feelings and get some things off my chest. I don't care who reads this, even if I hate your guts, because it just goes to show that some of us really don't give a shit what you think of us. My love life, well what there is, I really don't have one. Three months ago the love of my life moved away. I think that he was pushed and lied to in order to move a thousand miles away from his family plus me. The family is what concerns me the most. How could anyone move away from the ones that love him most, to be somewhere he doesnt want to be, where he clearly expressed that he hated this beep beep? I don't know and I hope this individual reads this because it only makes me laugh at you. I don't care if its not nice, if you can brag about being such a bitch, then I can just say what I want on my own blog in order to piss you off. Well you see this guy, we were friends before anything else. I met him back of February of '09 at school and I didnt find out until maybe 3 to 4 weeks had passed by that he had a "gf", if that's what she should be called. Well she moved away about 8 months ago and while she was gone he and I were sort of seeing each other. He made the moves on me. I think that he should have broken up with her like he said he was going to before he starting kissing and making out with me. Well you know in the heat of the moment things got out of hand and it went further than it should have. When that happens and when he says that he loved me and cared a lot about me before any of this went down, one would expect more from him. I thought he wanted to be with me and apparently that's what his siblings thought too. His siblings really dislike this "gf" of his that forced him to move 1000 miles away. I am really close to every single one of his family members. It just sucks that he left and I am so depressed. I almost cry everyday and this bitch of a "gf" would just laugh and wouldn't care less how I am feeling. She has him now and I have to deal with it one way or another. Don't think that suicide hasn't crossed my mind, because it has. I love him so much. He has known my feelings since gosh I don't know when. I told him that it is probably bad that I feel that way and he said, "Why is that bad?" I should have known when he told me to keep it between me and him that something was up. Every time this girls name would come up he would bash her. Talking about her bad habits, the way she cleans house, and just plain how damn rude she is. I don't know why he moved? He hasn't spoken to me in a long time and my mom got so mad that she emailed this girl. I didn't know my mom did that but I get stuck with the blame. Maybe if this "gf" would keep the people on her FB blocked, like she had before, then she wouldn't hear things she didn't want to. But now that its all out in the open, yes hun, he has been cheating on you, and you're a fool to stay with someone who doesn't treat you with respect and love you. Cause clearly cheating is a sign of I DONT LOVE YOU! Especially when I found it that it wasn't just with me but many others, throughout your whole relationship. You must be a horrible gf.